The suicide of Rachel Foster, thoughts and theory

ALRIGHT SO, LET'S TRY AND MAKE SENSE OF THIS BEAST!

As always I try real hard to stay spoiler free for games that I intend to play, sometimes it's just impossible, like in this case. I was aware that a lot of people called it problematic, and the worst game. Not because of it's mechanics, but because of it's plot. (After I finished the game and had let it sink, I went looking online for the questions I had, to see what others thought.)

And that was what I knew going in. So what do I think? I have to agree that it's a problematic game. Seriously problematic, also the story is fucking stupid, so let me start where I am most comfortable, taking the story apart.

FACTS 

The premis is that Nicole lived with her parents in this remote hotel, one day her mother just left with her, and refused to talk about why. The father stayed at the hotel, running it into the ground till it closed down. Apparently both her parents are dead, and she now returns to meet with some lawyer to sell the hotel, like her mother asked her to in her letter we see in the beginning. 

We know there is a storm coming, the radio in Nicholes car says so on her way to the hotel. We know she hates being at the hotel, and that she is very bitter at her dad, and calls him Leonard. 

Now, when we arrive the phone rings, and we all know that the first message on the machine (those of us who are old enough to  have had one with a casette tape in them), is the first call (because you'd rewind the tape to listen to the messages). This means that first the 911 operator called, which I find super odd, I mean it doesn't sound like the call was cut off and they call back, but it sounds like the operator picking up asking what the emergency is. Then there is Phil from the phonecompany calling to say they gotta cut off the phones, but I can't find anyhing about when that happened, I remember I read some note about it somewhere in the game, but I can't find it. And then there is the lawyer Jenkins calling to say he's there in a moment. 

WHO IS JENKINS REALLY?

So if the letter we see in the beginning is from Nicoles mother, which I honestly don't think it is, but wouldn't you know your mothers handwriting? I sure as shit would know if my mum wrote that note or not. But you see we're told that Claire died years before Leonard, then how would she hire a laywer now? what? As far as I know you can't hire lawyers beforehand, unless it's a curator of your testament, but then wouldn't it be Leonard? after all the hotel is his, not Claires. Also we have to assume they are divorced, and if so this would legally make no sense. So now I have to question if Jenkins exist at all. I have more reasons to think this! Let us look at this, besides the fact I find it weird that Nichole gets a letter from her dead mother, years after her death, telling her to go to the hotel and sell it, and that she already have hired a lawyer in a nearby town, then Jenkins' call on the answering maching is the last, which means he is the one calling as we were searching for the phone in the office. But we already know from the other message (the one before Jenkins') that the phones are cut off, this means that Jenkins couldn't call the hotel, no one can. 

And then there is the fact that he says the keys are on the dining room table with some notes, these notes on the dining room table are a testement from Leonard, and the other a letter from Jenkins, and this is about where I started thinking the lawyer was kind of sus, cause you see the letter has no date on it, and in a game like this, I refuse to believe that is an error. Also Leonards representative is Claire (the mother), but she died years before Leonard, so how can she be a representative of anyting in a letter that Nichole sees now, also why is it there, it ought to be sent to her (even in this time period). And look at the signature, it looks wildly different from the letter she allegedly wrote. And these are hardly "notes"! Anyways the key is not there it is on her own desk, next to a weird phone she never saw before, she even mentions it in a dialogue. So Jenkins might exist, but I am dead sure he has nothing to do with the sale of the hotel. (i'll come back to this). And in the end Jenkins calls her while in the car, on the weird ass phone that only works short range from the work station that Irving made, of course it's not Jenkins! 

WHY THE LETTER IS BULLSHIT

We are told that one night, Claire just made Nichole get into a car, not her car. And they even left suitcases and what not behind, and the mother refused to talk about it again. Nichole does know about the affair with Rachel. But let's say that Claire and Leonard was not divorced, and both owned the hotel - then the creditors would attempt to get money from Claire when Leonard didn't pay, and we do not hear anything about Claire being in financial problems, or anything. No we hear that they left, and never looked back, worked hard to forget about the hotel, and Leonards indiscretions. 

This tells me that there is no way Claire had anything to do with the hotel, and of course it's Irving sending that letter in the beginning, which lures Nichole to the hotel, cause what I learned of Claire through the game, she had been throurougly humiliated, and yeah comitted a murder. Why would she suggest to her daughter to return to this place? I don't think so.

Also never ever have I heard about that you have to look the house you're selling over yourself, not even in the late 80es or when the hell this takes place, early 90ies?, you'd hire a professional to go through the health of the building, just like you would today. Because people like you and  me (and Nichole) can't possibly make an educated conclusion to the structure of the house, or future problems or hidden damage. All things a buyer would need to know, and has the right to know - and when it comes to something like a whole fuckin hotel building, no way that would be left up to a private person to go through for damage. Ergo my conclusion is that the letter is a ruse to have Nicole come to the hotel. 

The question of why Nicole is so gullable then arises.. but I have no answer to that.

GHOST?

So is there a ghost? I don't know, but the game seems to play on the notion that there is. I base this on the Ghost hunters of course. 

You get played a tape from the ghost hunters who came by when Leonard and perhaps Irving, was the only people in the hotel. They say that Leonard is creepy, but doesn't elaborate further. When we see their hotel room it's obvious they left in a hurry, and I noted they took down all the mirrors (they are on the floor next to the bathtub). And while the footage we are played over the phone could be fake, then the video we see just leaves us with questions. because they do seem to see something, saying "her" about whatever they see, and the door does slam on it's own. When the video ends the door moves on it's own like in the video. 

And when we use the parabolic microphone, we pick up broken  pieces of conversations, people coughing and the like, so it's quite clear it's haunted - if it's Rachel, see that is a different issue, which is never resolved. And I think it's up to us, the player to decide that. 

At some point the payphone rings, even if we know the phoneline is dead, and the person says "don't sell the hotel, Rachel is still here", which for some reason gets interperted by Nicole to "Rachel is still alive", which actually annoyed me endlessly when I played it. It could be Leonard? But most of all I think it's nothing paranormal, but Irving rigging the phone, like he did to pretend he is Jenkins in the beginning.

If you click the radio in Nicoles room it will have loads of static, and cut off just before it says "ISOLATED... RETURN... HOME", if that is Irving, I don't know - but here I actually DO lean towards the paranormal explanation, that the ghosts of the hotel was warning her. Or you could see it as a preminition I don't know. 

We don't see any ghosts, or are witness to any paranormal events, besides the mumbling you catch in the parabolic microphone. And why she comments on that picture of the Hollywood tower hotel in the fireplace room, asking Irving if the paranormal team really came here just for Rachel. And he answers that "everyone knew about it, and then add some gossip" indicating that there is a local ghost story about it. But I think they came for a very different reason. I think Leonard asked them to come, or maybe Irving tricked them too, like he tricked Nicole - to come, see if they could find Rachel and figure out what she was saying. 

IS IRVING BATSHIT?

I think he is, absolutely lost his marbles. He tells us in his last communication when we have found him out, that his father had a favorite child, and in no lose terms indicating that it was not him. That Rachel was perfect, the same image that Nicole has btw. He says that Rachel was the only one who saw him, and gave two shits about him. 

So I think that his existence as a sort of "shadow child", would mess with his sense of identity, and maybe it's so straight forward that without Rachel he was nothing. We don't know this, but we can safely assume that the Pastor was consumed by grief after his daughter died, and the truth about her pregnancy and all that came into light. I think it's Nicole who at some point comments that it ruined both the families, both Leonards and Rachels. So what about Irving? He was such a ghost that Nicole didn't even recall he existed before he told her, and even then it took her a little to recall that Rachel had a brother. I think his identity was hung on Rachels, and this is probably why he defends the union, and probably also why he stayed with Leonard afterwards - feeding their collective psychosis. I made a transcript of the conversation in my game (so this is my choices obviously).

I: I IMAGINE YOU'VE FOUND MY ROOM

N: WHAT?.. WHAT DOES ALL THIS MEAN?

I: THAT'S A QUESTIONS IVE ASKED MYSELF MANY TIMES, WHAT DOES ALL THIS MEAN, IRVING? HOW FAR DO YOU WANT TO PUSH YOURSELF? HOW MUCH CAN YOU TAKE?

N:WHAT?

I: EVERY MEMORY, PAINSTAKINGLY GATHERED, EVERY RECONSTRUCTED PIECE, EVREY LITTLE ELEMENT, RETRIEVED FROM THE DARK... A HPOTO, A HAIRBAND, A LIPSTICK. IT MEANS REMEMBERING RACHEL. THAT IS WHAT ALL THIS MEANS! I DIDN'T CHOOSE THIS PATH. I HAD TO DO IT!

N: WHAT DID YOU DO, IRVING?

I: THESE WALLS OOZE WITH MEMORIES. THE MEMORIES GET INTO THE WALLS, UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS, THEY CREEP INTO THE CRAWLSPACES.

N:YOU'RE NOT WITH FEMA, YOU, JENKINS, YOU NEVER TALKED TO HIM! YOUR BOSS, THE PHONE CALL, ALL THOSE WEIRD EVENTS, YOU WERE BEHIND ALL OF THEM?

I: SOMEONE HAD TO BRING THE LAST PIECE OF THE MEMORY PUZZLE HERE. THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE. YOU.

N:ME!?

I: YOUR FATHER WANTED TO KEEP YOU OUT OF IT... I CONVINCED HIM THAT ONLY YOU COULD RESLOVE THE "EQUATION" AS HE CALLED IT.

N: I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I: HOW COULD YOU? OVER THE LAST FEW DAYS YOU GOT A LITTLE TASTE OF WHAT IT MEANS TO DIG AROUND IN THE PAST, HUNTING FOR MEMORIES THAT SCRATCH AWAY BEHIND EVERY WALL, IN THE NIGHT. I, WE, DID IT FOR YEARS... DAY, AFTER DAY, AFTER DAY.

N: ALL LIES...

I: I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST LIES, I GREW UP AROUND LIES. BUT NOW IS THE TIME FOR THE TRUTH TO COME OUT, FINALLY.

N: WHO ARE YOU, REALLY?

I: I WANT TO TELL YOU A STORY - THERE WAS AN INVISIBLE BOY. LIKE EVERYONE, HE JUST WANTED TO RUN ON THE GRASS, RIDE A BIKE, SWIM IN THE LAKE IN THE SUMMER. BUT HIS FATHER... OH, HIS FATHER HAD OTHER PLANS FOR HIS SOUL. IN HIS DARK WORLD MADE OF SILENCE AND PRAYER, THERE SHONE ONLY ONE STAR; HIS... WONDERFUL SISTER. A HEAVENLY CREATURE THAT SPENT HOURS TELLING HIM FAIRYTALES IN SECRET. SHE, WHO TOLD HIM WHAT A FREE AND STRONG MAN HE WOULD BECOME ONE DAY.

N:...RACHEL?

I: SHE WAS LIKE THAT; FREE AND STRONG. AT THE TIME, I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND HER DYSLEXIA, OR WHAT A RETARD MEANT. THAT'S WHAT THEY CALLED HER AT SCHOOL. BUT I COULD HEAR HER CRY, AT NIGHT. I WANTED TO PROTECT HER. BUT I COULDN'T. ONE DAY, THAT BEAUTIFUL, IUMINOUS CREATURE MET SOMEONE. A HUMAN BEING THAT SAW HER, FOR REAL.

N:...MY DAD.

I: YES, AND I WAS THE INVISIBLE WITNESS OF WHAT HAPPENED. A LOVE, SIMPLY A LOVE... NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS. BUT THAT LOVE WAS TOO MUCH, AND IT WOULD BE PUNISHED. WHO PAID FOR THIS LOVE, NICOLE?

N: RACHEL, RACHEL WAS YOUR SISTER. NOW I REMEMBER YOU.

I: YOU WERE TOO CAUGHT UP WITH YOUR HATRED FOR RACHEL, TO NOTICE THE INNOCENT LITTLE KID THAT SOMETIMES TAGGED ALONG.

N: I DIDN'T HATE YOUR SISTER. I WAS ONLY JEALOUS.

I: DOESN'T MATTER. THOSE DAYS ARE OVER.

N: HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN YOU?

I: I WAS RAISED TO BE FORGOTTEN.

N: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

I: THE DAY MY SISTER PAID WITH HER LIFE FOR HER LOVE, WE ALL DIED. WE MAKE UP THE HISTORY OF THE TIMBERLINE.

N: IT WAS A TRAGEDY, BUT YOU...

I: WE ALL GOT FROZEN THERE, IN THAT VERY MOMENT. IN THAT CONFINED... 'HORIZON OF EVENTS'. AS YOU'LL UNDERSTAND. AS YOU'VE ALREADY BEGUN TO UNDERSTAND.

N: I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME.

I: YOU HAVE TO KEEP GOING, TO GET TO WHERE I WASN'T ABLE TO GO. YOU, WILL BE THE NEW WITNESS. YOU OWE IT TO US, AND YOU OWE IT TO HER.

It's quite clear that he is batshit crazy, talking in circles, but I also feel like there is a story not told here. I will come back to some of it, but anyways way I see Irvings justification, it screams psychosis to me, psychosis brought on by coping for childhood neglect and trauma. Not that I am making excuses for Irving, but still he tells us that he has always been invisibile, and unwanted. and when Rachel who was his star, found love - he feels she got punished. He doesn't see anything wrong with the union, he only sees his sister is no more. And I think that is the reason Leonard took the Pastors other traumatized child in, because Irving didn't judge him - he was completely on board with 'love' and grieved his sister. and over time I think they got convinced that Rachel was still around, and tried to find someone who could talk to her, to somehow make her real. I think that Leonard fuelled Irvings grief, turning it into madness. 

and a part of Irving just wants Nicole to suffer, I think he tells her that she was not ready, and for some days ago (before he broke her down, that is implicit) she was the type of woman who thought eating beans from a tin was death. Does Irving at any point even considder Nicoles feelings? no he does not, he decieves her, plays her and punishes her. Just so she can suffer like him. And that form of meticulous planning, deception and justification that screams mental illness to the sky. I can't diagnose him of course, but if I were to, i'd say he is a person without identity due to events done unto him as a child, he then took on a identity molded for Leonard to like him, feeling like he mattered, like he had a purpose. That too was taken, and unable to cope with that, he chose to make a manifest, his magnum opus before going out in a blaze of glory. Now that is pretty psychopathic. And if we go with my thesis that Jenkins doesn't exist, and it is Irving calling again, he didn't die, he just pretended to. Which is the calling card of a psychopath, that your worth is only measured in what you can do for them, the moment you have no use for them, you have no use period. 

IS NICOLE REALLY THAT STUPID?

Yes and no. I think she is ridicolosly gullible. I mean walkies existed back then as well, and they are pretty short range. This should have raise the alarm to begin with. the phone only rings that one time, the first time she picks it up from the dock, otherwise it just scratches to life like a walkie. do you remember what mobile phones looked like back then? my dad had one that was charged by the car battery, and it was inside a fuckin suitcase, I shit you not, it even had a real reciever like a dial phone. it had a battery for like 10 minutes of talk and the reception was horrible.

This alone (the time this is supposed to be 1993 to be exsact) cell phones would not exist, and this is a short range walkie talkie, even Nicole should have known this. She wanted to believe, that is a different case. She chose to ignore what I said in the beginning, that Jenkins left a message after the phones were cut off, and that this walkie/phone just appeared very conveniently, plus the fact that Jenkins says he left some notes and the keys for her, why would he be there? Lawyers doesn't go inspect houses, they sort the paperwork of the sale, or the will from their office. building inspectors inspect houses. 

But say Nicole could ignore that fact, then why isn't she alarmed about the key on the wrong table, someone clearly moved it regardless.

Why does she even embark on this in the middle of a storm? any sane person would wait till the storm was over, it's not like the hotel runs away.

And why doesn't she REALLY question the fact that a FEMA agent calls her over the walkie? I don't live in the US but we have something akin to FEMA here, and they only gets called upon when a disaster overwhelms the rescourses of state or local capacity, right? so they are like disaster problemsolvers, under the department of homeland security if I'm not wrong.... this is a snowstorm, in Montana - hardly a disaster, i'm pretty sure that folks up there knows how to predict and prepare for a snowstorm. And no one knows she us up there, besides Jenkins - and why would he contact FEMA? if he was worried, he'd contact the local sherif.

Why doesn't she question the fact that this FEMA agent never goes home? they work for the government, I bet my life they fuck off the moment their shift is over, like the rest of is (I am government employed too), and also I am dead sure there are rules in regards to lenghts of shifts, because it's a proven fact that lack of sleep and general rest and self care, can lead to disasterous events based on bad decisions - ebcause you are simply not at your sharpest when you work for too many hours. And even should a FEMA agent have that form of decication, i'm pretty sure his boss does not - and would tell him to go home at some point. 

Why doesn't she question the fact that a FEMA agent knows the hotel inside out? Irving says that "he bought supplies out there for ages" 

- Nicoles just WANTS to be an idiot i suppose. Or maybe she wants someone to see her as well? 

THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

So I think this story is about mental illness and trauma. I saw somewhere it's about grief, but I don't think so. Grief is a very raw and very real emotion, and can make people do weird shit. But who should the grieveing part here be? No I think it's about terrible coping strategies. and child neglect. 

So hear me out. I think Rachel is attracted to Leonard because he shows genuine interest in her, exept we know that he didn't, he was attracted to her sexually. she was 16 and how should she even know? she was brought up in a very strict and unloving home as we are told on several occations. So she doesn't know how to seperate love from sex - she is 16 for fucks sake. We have no indication if she was as into this as Leonard was, but I think she was, I think she loved feeling special and showered with attention. We don't know how Claire was made aware of the affair (or maybe you do, and there was some note i didn't read). Surely Leonard knew this was wrong, and we the player know this is wrong. it's child abuse, plain and simple. 

So why does Nicole seem to sail over that fact? and why does IRving defend it? because they both have horrible coping strategies, because they grew up in a world that was never interested in them as persons. I think Claire was much to preocupied with her own problems, to really deal with Nicole. We are told that Claire loved Leonard dearly, and that she never found another man. So she was stuck in this web, even if she had physically removed herself, I don't think she ever left the hotel, not really. 

And I think that is why everyone seems to have real poor judgement, that Nicole warms up to Irving, ignoring all the red flags, cause she likes talking to him, maybe she never had anyone to talk to in regards to what transpired. And Irving we already went over, and I think it's the same. So is the theme here something about being acknowledged as a person? noticed and listened to? I think so. 

WHAT RUINED IT FOR ME

So I really liked this game, even with it's "problematic" theme, and no real statement from the devs. it's sexual abuse of a child, and we aren't going to talk about why that is fucked up? we are going to glorify their martyrdom? right..

I think that is absolutely disgusting! 

But what killed it for me was the ending, I mean, not only do I fucking HATE infodumps, that is lazy writing, and some of those days where you did nothing but have a nightmare, or turn on a furnace, they could have gotten something in there, come on! 

Alright so Nicole gets a bloody blanket out of her mothers car, the key to said car is conveniently placed in Leonards man cave, telling me that Irving placed it there, cause we saw no proof of a haunting. Which also means that Irving already knew what the fuck was in the trunk of Claires car. Why does he then pretend he doesnt? And isn't that sort of the entire plot destroyed in one sentence? If we are to believe that what Irving want, is for Nicole to walk the last mile, and figure out if Rachel killed herself - eh, well he would already have to know, otherwise he wouldn't have constructed that room in the basement, meant to trigger Nicoles memories, or have placed that key on the chessgame... he fully knew that Claire killed Rachel. So what the hell have we been doing all this time? what was it for? revenge? come on, send some anthrax in an envolope, it's easier. and would make more sense. 

Why does he pretend to walk into the wild and die, when he clearly doesnt. And why the everliving fuck would Nicole try to kill herself because her mother killed some girl, she didn't even like? isn't that a bit drastic? Why can she wash out 10 years old blood? who represseses memories like that? (ps: devs, it doesn't work like that! only in movies.) Where did Rachels retainer come in to the picture, I mean it does look like a butterfly, but it has nothing, absolutely NOTHING to do with the story. And if it was to underline her age and therefore immaturity and inability to calculate the consequenses of her actions - you should make a comment on it dammit! in some dialogue, something! but you stay silent. 

And lastly is there a reason Nicole goes full blown Jack Torrance in the end? that sorta came out of nowhere! 

That must be the most shitty, badly executed ending to a game I ever experienced. I mean thank you for taking up a hard to swallow theme, dude I'm digging it, we need to talk about these things, and have it represented in media such as books, moves and games - as a conversation piece.. but that is not what you have here! You have a glorification of a pedo, a unreasliticly stupid potagonist (i mean dumber than James Sunderland, and that says it all), a crazy vendictive wife, and Irving the mastermind of all things from a fucking commendore 64.

Come the fuck on! All in all this game amounts to absolutely fuck all, there is no plot, there is no reason - besides flashing your edge lordness and creating a game about a pedo. If I could boo you off stage I would have, and not because of the theme, but because you handled it so absolutely fucking TERRIBLE! shit man, did you get your insight in human psychology through a Dr. Phil marathon?